Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza
by greenleaf-in-bloom
Summary: If you like unusual favors of pizza, think the Tom Marvolo Riddle Avada Kedavra PizzaPizza Parlor is a good idea, like imagining a McGonagall under the Imperius CurseTransfiguring people into cacti, and think Voldemort, in his cactus form, would be pink,


Disclaimer: I own the Tom Marvolo Riddle Avada Kedavra Pizza Parlor and its slogan and the number 1-800-T-Riddle. Nothing more and nothing less.  
  
Summary: If you like unusual favors of pizza, think the Tom Marvolo Riddle Avada Kedavra Pizza Parlor is a good idea, like imagining a McGonagall under the Imperius Curse Transfiguring people into cacti, and think Voldemort, in his cactus form, would be pink, this is the fic for you.  
  
Harry looked out the window sadly. It looked as if he was having a bad day to Ron, so Ron decided to cheer him up. "Hey Harry, now that I'm done with that Transfiguration homework we can have a Gryffindor pizza party!" This cheered Harry up very much. "Oh, you're done? Oh, a pizza party! Cool.we'll have to ask McGonagall to come too. I'll go order a pizza, and you go invite everyone in Gryffindor tower." Ron sprinted out of the room and Harry could hear his yells: "Oy, everyone, pizza party on its way! No, George, Snape isn't coming, it's Gryffindors only. I don't know if Professor Dimplydork is coming. Come on.Hermione, the NEWTs are two years away, it's the pizza party that's important.oh well. C'mon." Harry picked up his Firebolt and flew out the window.  
  
Down on the grounds, Harry picked up a fallen leaf from the forest and Transfigured it into a cell phone. Then he flew off the grounds because he remembered Hermione had said electric things didn't work on the grounds. He smiled and pulled the phone book out of his shoe. "Here it is." and with that he dialed 1-800-T RIDDLE. A cheerful voice at the other end said loudly: "Tom Marvolo Riddle Avada Kedavra Pizza Parlor. If your pizza takes more than thirty minutes to deliver, we'll kill you so the word doesn't get out. How may I help you?" "I'd like four Voldemort-flavored pizzas, please, to be delivered to Gryffindor Tower." "We're all out of Voldemorts, but we do have He-Who-Is-Not-Ashamed and You- Know- Whose-Brain-It-Is." "I'll have two of each." "Very well. That's fourteen sickles and seven almonds, please make sure you dull the edges of the sickles' blades. And mind the Nuts are fresh!" "All right." Harry already had a very large collection of these things. He flew back to the castle, forgetting the fellytone and the phone book.  
  
"Professor, we're having a pizza party, want to come?" "Potter.a party? Have you finished your essay on turning people into cacti?" "Yes, Professor, here it is, see?" Professor McGonagall squinted at the page. "That's fine. Okeday, what the smell, I'll come. Did you order He-Who-Is-Not-Ashamed pizzas?" "Yes, of course. I just hope Fred and George don't decide that we need to be bombarded with livestock this time. I still have nightmares every time I see a llama." Professor McGonagall nodded fervently. "Well -" And at that point in time, a strange, disembodied voice came from the wall. It was a voice that made Harry's blood run cold. Professor McGonagall screamed and fainted as the terrible voice said: "Would you like a cup of tea?" Harry gaped and looked out the door. Voldemort stood there, his mouth pressed against the wall and a silver tray in one hand. "Ooooh, Harry, hiya, howsa old scar doin'? I was gonna owl ya, but.oh goody goody goody, I get to do the Imperius Curse again! May I enter this humble dwelling?" "Certainly, good sir, and may I inquire into how you are doing this evening?" "Splendidly, thanks!" Voldemort drew out his wand. Harry screamed, a high- pitched scream like a bubble-gum girl, and threw his arms over his face. "Don't hurt me!" he yelled. "Remember, I see dead people!" "Muhaha! I show no mercy! And come September we'll all remember our campside days and friendships true! "Imperio!" he said, pointing his wand at McGonagall who had just come to and was yawning. She smiled dreamily and Voldemort ran screaming from the room. Then the professor blinked. "Oh, I did it! I threw it off! Yipee!" she said happily. "Let's go see if the pizzas are here yet, shall we?"  
  
"CassieClaire!" Harry told the Fat Lady. "That's right, that's it, the password!" she giggled. Harry watched her down her eighteenth martini. The portrait hole opened and McGonagall and Harry walked in. The common room was packed full of people. The pizzas had not yet arrived. Suddenly Ginny turned into a large cactus. Neville's sudden scream was stopped as he did the same. Soon the only non-cacti in the room were an evilly grinning McGonagall, a shocked Hagrid, Buckbeak, Lee Jordan, Fred and George, Harry, and Ron, who was moaning because he had been hi-fiving Hermy-own when she turned into a cactus. "What." Hagrid said slowly. "The same thing happened in me third year." "Go to Azkaban, Hagrid, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars," McGonagall said. "What's a dollar?" Hagrid asked. "Oh, never mind. C'mon, Beaky." They flew through a wall in the general direction of Azkaban. Harry saw several Myrdraal fly after them before turning back. "Aw," said Harry, but just then Ron gasped because Fred, George, and Lee had just turned into cacti. "I stole a baby! I stole a baby!" McGonagall cackled. "Must go watch Willow, excuse me." Harry turned to Ron when McGonagall had left. "She's under the Imperius Curse! She'll turn the whole school into Malfoy - I mean cacti. I've got a lot on my mind." Ron walked over to the cactus-that-was-Hermione and pulled out a quill. Hermione's mouth appeared. "Ouch!" it/she said. "There was a piece of paper in there! A diary page!" Ron said. "I'll pull out another quill and you grab it." "That's impressively evil," it/she said, and Harry jerked out the diary page. "It's in McGonagall's writing. It says 'ha, you gits, while you sit here I've turned the entire school into Malfoy!'" Ron screamed. "I mean cacti. It says cacti. Sorry," Harry said. "'I'm also reading a slash fic, Ron, and it's me-Ginny.' Ron, it's just fiction, no matter how disgusting that is, stop screaming. 'and for future reference, my favorite lines on earth are "I stole a baby" "let me risk a little more light" and "if you want him come and claim him", and don't forget "beyest lin".' That's all it says, Ron. Whatever she means by all that. But on the back it says, "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." Fred turned into Fred again. "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice?" Ron said in bewiderment, and George was George. "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice. That's right." Harry said, and Lee was Lee. "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice," Harry, Ron, and the other three chorused. Five more Gryffindors un-cacti-ed. "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." Ten of them said it, and ten of the students returned. "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." "Dentine ice, cools your breath twice." Soon the common room was back to normal, except for Nearly Headless Nick, who was a ghost cacti. "Deadbeat ice, cools your breath thrice!" Hermione sang, and Nick returned to Nick-ness. "You solved it! You solved it!" Hagrid flew in the wall. "The school and its inhabitants are returned to normalcy!" he cheered. "So once again, the day is saved thanks to the Powerpuff Boys!" Ron tackled Hagrid. McGonagall and Voldemort entered the room, Voldemort sneering. "What are your orders?" "To turn everyone in the castle to cacti." McGonagall's voice was sober. Suddenly Voldemort, who was after all in the castle, became a pink cactus. "Cactus.cactus.cactus." McGonagall murmered, then fainted. When she came to everyone cheered, even Buckbeak. "Yeah for McGonagall!" the hippogriff shouted. "I'm back to normal!" McGonagall said softy. "Yeah for me!" A sixteen-year-old boy walked in the door, carrying four pizzas. "You're a minute late, Tom," Harry informed him. "Blast!" Tom cried out in disappointment, pointing his wand at McGonagall. "But I won't kill you all, never fear. Imperio!" 


End file.
